It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
