The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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