Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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