i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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