Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
