You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
