Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
