it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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