You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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