he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
