So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
