Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
