is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
