this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
