Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
