every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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