This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
