I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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