Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
