i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
