Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
