how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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