I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
