she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
