nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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