Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
At least make sure they are 18
Why
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
