just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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