Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
