By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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