What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
