so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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