I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize