Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
