I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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