my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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