fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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