Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize