New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
