I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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