I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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