I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize