So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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