i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
