If i come over, it means nothing
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm passing your future prison.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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