and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
