He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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