Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
