the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
