I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
