So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
