My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
