The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize