your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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