Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
even my farts smell like vagina
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
