So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize