Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
