so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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