A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize