We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
