Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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