PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
