you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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