$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
