Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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